The Silent Art of Watching, by Tafkar
Aug. 23rd, 2005 03:33 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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the_comfy_chairStory link on Wraithbait: The Silent Art of Watching
Is it het? Slash? A twosome, or a threesome? Non-con or not? This story fascinates me, not only because it's a story with a rare, dark twist in the relationship between John and Rodney, but also because it's a difficult one to categorize.
I'd been searching the idea file in my head for a while, trying to come up with truly dark but still believable John/Rodney scenarios, when Tafkar showed me this one. I stopped searching, at that point--she'd already written what I would have, if I could. The setting, the barbarian culture, is well presented, rough and dark and and angst-making, and their predicament, to have finally run across a culture who used the excuse of the Wraith threat to wallow in the worst of what lurks inside human beings, as Rodney says, was very real to me in a could-have-been-an-ep way. But was the sex?
I am approaching this story, I'll admit, with a willingness to make allowances for any story that offers me a dark, trippy ride. I'm into this sort of thing, and I'm thrilled when it's done well and ready to forgive a little license if needed. I don't think this one needs that wiggle room, though. Would the sex happen? Not on the show, of course, unless it moved to HBO, which, ohmigosh, takes me to a very happy place. So, assuming the show has moved to HBO, could I be convinced that it would go down this way? I could, and I was. I was because of Rodney's terror, and Teyla's almost surely feeling that this was probably the last night of Rodney's life--she's been through it, already, she knows what's coming and she knows Rodney's limitations, by now. She also knows he's terrified. I don't think her offer is made strictly out of pity, though; I think, as the story says, that they've both thought about each other, that they've all thought about each other. Who wouldn't? They're attractive people, they work closely together, they've bonded through shared fear and loss and pain. So, yes, in these fairly extreme circumstances, I can see the kiss happening, I can see them taking it further, reaching for a little joy, maybe Rodney's last chance, before tomorrow. And, well, there was grog involved, which always makes these things a little easier.
So, I've gone there with the sex, and Rodney and Teyla are making the most of it, and then...here's John. And John is not happy. John, as we learn at the end of the story, has been through and given more than either of them knew, at first. He's gone to the place where smirky, wise-cracking, charming John is subsumed by the John who killed all those Genii, who shot down the unarmed Wraith in the cage, who'll do whatever it takes to save his people. The look in his eye that he gets at those moments, the grim determination, and the way he seems to shrug off the effects, later, create for me a John that I can see going to this dark, unwholesome, edge-of-breaking place (or, at least I WANT to see him go there, and the story supports it well enough that I can.) This John is frightening in that he's both nearly feral and worryingly fragile, caught somewhere between the matter-of-fact killer and the team leader. Walking in on them this way, seeing them like this, contributes to that state, I think--he's rocking on the edge of something, and Rodney and Teyla see it. Are they frightened of him? I don't think so, but I think they're frightened for him.
That's where I have to suspend the most, I think--that Rodney and Teyla go forward with it. From a kink-lover's POV, I want it to happen; dispassionately, I don't know if I'm 100% sold that they would. I'm glad that they did, I love that they did, and I love that the story takes us there, and, once again, if this were the HBO version, I'd have no problem. Strictly looking at the John, Rodney and Teyla from the show, as I see them in canon, I don't know. It's hard to say. It's well enough written that I can easily go there, but if I force myself to step back, I'm just not sure. But the set up is there; the writer did the work, led us logically down the path, wrapped it in dark, moody atmosphere and a sort of horrific feeling of a good thing gone wrong, of something sweet and hot being contaminated, as though touched by the very barbarity of the culture that's holding them. And, in a way, it has--John, I think, feels he's sunk to the level of the people who are forcing them to follow their ugly rituals, that he had to become like them to defeat them, tap the same dark place they do. And to have done that, to have gone there, for the teammates that he loves, to still be in that semi-wild state and to come in to find them that way.... And Rodney's guilt, which he'd of course feel, and their recognition of something not right with John, and their concern for him, and the weirdness, the wrongness of the whole set-up, the two days they've spent in this horrible place, fearing for their lives, surrounded by the ugliness--yeah, I can go there. I can definitely go there. Is it just me, because it appeals to me so much, because I want to follow this reasoning and see this happening? Do you see it, too?
And, then, John joins in. Ohmigosh. Rodney's ambivalence, his discomfort while at the same time feeling some confused, unwanted arousal, his realizing that John is touching himself while watching, his vulnerability combined with his passion for Teyla--yowsa. That works for me in a big way. But the biggest gut-punch is yet to come; when John climbs (still naked, oh, yeah) into the bed with them and tells Rodney what he's done for him, lets him feel the relief of his life spared with the added guilt of the cost to John and the fear that something's been broken now that might not be easily mended--that really did it for me. Rodney pulling Teyla's hand to his chest as he turns away and worries about tomorrow for new reasons--I imagine I can see his face as DH would play that moment, and it ruins me. Flowing with the sex pays off entirely in the angst-fest at the end (if the sex didn't pay its own way, which it does.)
So, yes, big yes, for me, to the darkness, to the set-up, to the sex, to Breaking!John and Rodney and Teyla's acquiescence to his demands, to the heartburn at the end--the whole may be greater than the sum of its parts, for me. I think it's a terrific story, and one of the very few darkfics in the fandom I think have pulled something like this off.
So, is it non-con? Rodney and Teyla go along but don't want to, obviously. How coerced do they feel? Since their participation feels forced, is this a threesome, or a het twosome with a creepy interloper? I vote for threesome, because these three are going to fix this thing; I have faith that they will. If I could demand a sequel, it would be one in which they spend the time needed working through it, then come together entirely consensually to push the memory of the earlier event from their minds. Well, I might; I might also want the sequel in which things stay broken, get worse, spiral into abject misery for all of them, and then the Wraith come and they all die alone, because I'm dark like that. Or, more likely, they might go through some tough but necessary adjusting and re-bonding time, and end as friends, again, with this dark secret between them but greater understanding of each other, and more compassion. This is one of those stories that makes me wonder, what next, while not wanting to know, know. The possibilities in my head are delicious.
What I wonder most, I suppose, in regard to how others see this story, is whether the sort of emotional hinge-pin moment, the one where Rodney and Teyla decide to go forward with it, works for others, too. And, if it does, is it as much because you want it to as that you could believe in it? Is it more about what you believe the characters would do or what you want the characters to do? Me, I don't know. How about you?
Disclaimer: I was a beta on this story, but what I learned about the author's intent and processes while working with her on it isn't a part of my review. I'm divorcing what I know from what I feel and think about this story as it stands, I promise. Please, if you review a story you've betaed, remember to do the same. No insidertrading reviews. *g*
Is it het? Slash? A twosome, or a threesome? Non-con or not? This story fascinates me, not only because it's a story with a rare, dark twist in the relationship between John and Rodney, but also because it's a difficult one to categorize.
I'd been searching the idea file in my head for a while, trying to come up with truly dark but still believable John/Rodney scenarios, when Tafkar showed me this one. I stopped searching, at that point--she'd already written what I would have, if I could. The setting, the barbarian culture, is well presented, rough and dark and and angst-making, and their predicament, to have finally run across a culture who used the excuse of the Wraith threat to wallow in the worst of what lurks inside human beings, as Rodney says, was very real to me in a could-have-been-an-ep way. But was the sex?
I am approaching this story, I'll admit, with a willingness to make allowances for any story that offers me a dark, trippy ride. I'm into this sort of thing, and I'm thrilled when it's done well and ready to forgive a little license if needed. I don't think this one needs that wiggle room, though. Would the sex happen? Not on the show, of course, unless it moved to HBO, which, ohmigosh, takes me to a very happy place. So, assuming the show has moved to HBO, could I be convinced that it would go down this way? I could, and I was. I was because of Rodney's terror, and Teyla's almost surely feeling that this was probably the last night of Rodney's life--she's been through it, already, she knows what's coming and she knows Rodney's limitations, by now. She also knows he's terrified. I don't think her offer is made strictly out of pity, though; I think, as the story says, that they've both thought about each other, that they've all thought about each other. Who wouldn't? They're attractive people, they work closely together, they've bonded through shared fear and loss and pain. So, yes, in these fairly extreme circumstances, I can see the kiss happening, I can see them taking it further, reaching for a little joy, maybe Rodney's last chance, before tomorrow. And, well, there was grog involved, which always makes these things a little easier.
So, I've gone there with the sex, and Rodney and Teyla are making the most of it, and then...here's John. And John is not happy. John, as we learn at the end of the story, has been through and given more than either of them knew, at first. He's gone to the place where smirky, wise-cracking, charming John is subsumed by the John who killed all those Genii, who shot down the unarmed Wraith in the cage, who'll do whatever it takes to save his people. The look in his eye that he gets at those moments, the grim determination, and the way he seems to shrug off the effects, later, create for me a John that I can see going to this dark, unwholesome, edge-of-breaking place (or, at least I WANT to see him go there, and the story supports it well enough that I can.) This John is frightening in that he's both nearly feral and worryingly fragile, caught somewhere between the matter-of-fact killer and the team leader. Walking in on them this way, seeing them like this, contributes to that state, I think--he's rocking on the edge of something, and Rodney and Teyla see it. Are they frightened of him? I don't think so, but I think they're frightened for him.
That's where I have to suspend the most, I think--that Rodney and Teyla go forward with it. From a kink-lover's POV, I want it to happen; dispassionately, I don't know if I'm 100% sold that they would. I'm glad that they did, I love that they did, and I love that the story takes us there, and, once again, if this were the HBO version, I'd have no problem. Strictly looking at the John, Rodney and Teyla from the show, as I see them in canon, I don't know. It's hard to say. It's well enough written that I can easily go there, but if I force myself to step back, I'm just not sure. But the set up is there; the writer did the work, led us logically down the path, wrapped it in dark, moody atmosphere and a sort of horrific feeling of a good thing gone wrong, of something sweet and hot being contaminated, as though touched by the very barbarity of the culture that's holding them. And, in a way, it has--John, I think, feels he's sunk to the level of the people who are forcing them to follow their ugly rituals, that he had to become like them to defeat them, tap the same dark place they do. And to have done that, to have gone there, for the teammates that he loves, to still be in that semi-wild state and to come in to find them that way.... And Rodney's guilt, which he'd of course feel, and their recognition of something not right with John, and their concern for him, and the weirdness, the wrongness of the whole set-up, the two days they've spent in this horrible place, fearing for their lives, surrounded by the ugliness--yeah, I can go there. I can definitely go there. Is it just me, because it appeals to me so much, because I want to follow this reasoning and see this happening? Do you see it, too?
And, then, John joins in. Ohmigosh. Rodney's ambivalence, his discomfort while at the same time feeling some confused, unwanted arousal, his realizing that John is touching himself while watching, his vulnerability combined with his passion for Teyla--yowsa. That works for me in a big way. But the biggest gut-punch is yet to come; when John climbs (still naked, oh, yeah) into the bed with them and tells Rodney what he's done for him, lets him feel the relief of his life spared with the added guilt of the cost to John and the fear that something's been broken now that might not be easily mended--that really did it for me. Rodney pulling Teyla's hand to his chest as he turns away and worries about tomorrow for new reasons--I imagine I can see his face as DH would play that moment, and it ruins me. Flowing with the sex pays off entirely in the angst-fest at the end (if the sex didn't pay its own way, which it does.)
So, yes, big yes, for me, to the darkness, to the set-up, to the sex, to Breaking!John and Rodney and Teyla's acquiescence to his demands, to the heartburn at the end--the whole may be greater than the sum of its parts, for me. I think it's a terrific story, and one of the very few darkfics in the fandom I think have pulled something like this off.
So, is it non-con? Rodney and Teyla go along but don't want to, obviously. How coerced do they feel? Since their participation feels forced, is this a threesome, or a het twosome with a creepy interloper? I vote for threesome, because these three are going to fix this thing; I have faith that they will. If I could demand a sequel, it would be one in which they spend the time needed working through it, then come together entirely consensually to push the memory of the earlier event from their minds. Well, I might; I might also want the sequel in which things stay broken, get worse, spiral into abject misery for all of them, and then the Wraith come and they all die alone, because I'm dark like that. Or, more likely, they might go through some tough but necessary adjusting and re-bonding time, and end as friends, again, with this dark secret between them but greater understanding of each other, and more compassion. This is one of those stories that makes me wonder, what next, while not wanting to know, know. The possibilities in my head are delicious.
What I wonder most, I suppose, in regard to how others see this story, is whether the sort of emotional hinge-pin moment, the one where Rodney and Teyla decide to go forward with it, works for others, too. And, if it does, is it as much because you want it to as that you could believe in it? Is it more about what you believe the characters would do or what you want the characters to do? Me, I don't know. How about you?
Disclaimer: I was a beta on this story, but what I learned about the author's intent and processes while working with her on it isn't a part of my review. I'm divorcing what I know from what I feel and think about this story as it stands, I promise. Please, if you review a story you've betaed, remember to do the same. No insider
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-23 03:59 am (UTC)So, it surprises me that this is one of my favorite fics. The first thing I really liked was that the Rodney/Teyla interaction worked for me. For some reason, in my own mind, I can never see Rodney/Teyla working without something quirky or humorous to bring them together. But here, I could feel a certain tension and attraction between the characters. You got a sense of their fear, their need and the comfort they were providing each other. Also, I believed the characterisations. Sometimes people amplify certain attributes of a character too much, leaving you with a caricature rather than a character, but here I could really see the people from the show and hear their voices.
The thing I liked most about this story was Sheppard. I love fics that go into his darker side. I could just visualise him, standing there, half in the shadows and watching. And the build up of tension was great because I kept thinking about what he had done to put him in this head space. What could he have done that would make him need to be a part of an intimate and private moment? I couldn't help wondering if some of it was him feeling betrayed by Rodney and Teyla, which is perhaps why Rodney and Teyla keep going. After all, them two comforting each other leaves him in the cold.
The ending I liked because all three semmed wounded by the experience and you kind of left thinking, 'woah, what happens now?' and I love stories that keep me wondering after they end.
Obviously, there's a possibilty that I've completely misinterpreted everything, but those were some of things I took away from the fic and were the reasons that I enjoyed it. I liked that it pushed my comfort levels and evoked a strong emotional response of 'oh shit, now what?' because any fic that makes me think beyond 'the end' is a pretty cool fic.
There's so much more to say about why I like this fic (mostly the fact that it brings up images of John in Letters From Pegasus), but it's 5 am, so I'll shut up.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-23 10:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-23 11:17 am (UTC)Especially here:
Then Sheppard tilts his head a little more, shifting the shadows on his face, and Rodney sees something wounded and desperate in his eyes, the shivering strain in his mouth.
That's easily my favorite part of the fic.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-23 04:17 am (UTC)I've caught glimpses of this John, and it's disturbed me. I like it, am fascinated by it, and yet I usually shy away from reading a John this dark. (It's odd to realise that the other SG character who seems to touch a similar darkness is Daniel. It's the contrast, I think, that makes the dark so disturbing.)
But because I'm so uncomfortable, I really need an author to lead me into believing John on the knife's edge. Tafkar does a fabulous job here, though I'm not sure what exactly it is that sold me on her John. It might be that we see John only through Rodney's eyes, and it's so easy to identify with Rodney. Easy to feel Rodney's emotions, his fear of/for John.
I'm not a big OT3 person -- I don't really believe in sex where there are more than two participants. So on one level I admit I'm not completely sold. But that's just my old-fashioned sensibilities at play. For the purposes of this story, I was sold on the OT3. The manner in which Rodney and Teyla choose to share one night together, and then later, the manner in which John coerces(?) them to share themselves with him -- I was sold all throughout the sex scenes.
What I wonder most, I suppose, in regard to how others see this story, is whether the sort of emotional hinge-pin moment, the one where Rodney and Teyla decide to go forward with it, works for others, too. And, if it does, is it as much because you want it to as that you could believe in it? Is it more about what you believe the characters would do or what you want the characters to do?
Well, considering I requested this threesome, I definitely wanted Rodney and Teyla to have sex! *g* I don't see McKay/Teyla as True Love the way I see Jack/Daniel, or even as Friends Who Click Then Fall In Love the way I see Sheppard/McKay. I can't see Teyla actually falling in love with Rodney, and vice versa. They're just good friends who grow into something more. For me, McKay/Teyla works best as comfort. As peace in the middle of a storm. So yeah, I can buy the concept.
Having said that, I find myself head-tilting at the actual sex bits. This is my issue though -- I've yet to read Rodney having sex with a woman and not want to scratch my head. Which is why I don't usually read Rodney in het fic! The other McKay/Teyla stories I've read don't go further than a kiss, ircc, or in the case of
John as voyeur, though. *shivers in a really good way* Oh yeah.
Also to add
Date: 2005-08-23 04:26 am (UTC)For me, McKay/Teyla works best as comfort. As peace in the middle of a storm. So yeah, I can buy the concept.
Also, not just the concept. I buy how Tafkar arranged the scene here. The set-up is exactly how I'd read Teyla approaching Rodney. My head-tilting is only wrt Rodney, because I can't shake my interpretation of Rodney as terrible with women. I don't know how canon his failure with women really is -- "Duet" showed he's nervous around them when it comes to courting, but didn't tell us if he's a terrible lover. I suspect he's quite mediocre in bed, actually. *g*
Re: Also to add
Date: 2005-08-23 10:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-23 10:21 am (UTC)You know, I don't think I've read much dark Daniel. And the attraction to that would come from a different place, for me, but be similarly intense, yeah. Because of that difference, the distance from light to dark.
It might be that we see John only through Rodney's eyes, and it's so easy to identify with Rodney. Easy to feel Rodney's emotions, his fear of/for John.
Oh, wow, yes, I definitely see that. I think that it's through Rodney's eyes that we're seeing this, that it's not from an omniscient POV and because it is Rodney, really adds. Very true.
I've yet to read Rodney having sex with a woman and not want to scratch my head.
I have trouble taking Rodney seriously as a lover of women, too. But I've read some Rodney/Elizabeth recently that worked for me (something I thought I could NEVER buy), and this does too. I guess it just takes the right writer, as always.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-23 06:12 pm (UTC)What I wonder most, I suppose, in regard to how others see this story, is whether the sort of emotional hinge-pin moment, the one where Rodney and Teyla decide to go forward with it, works for others, too. And, if it does, is it as much because you want it to as that you could believe in it? Is it more about what you believe the characters would do or what you want the characters to do?
Yes, that hinge-pin moment did work for me, but it was because I didn't want them to continue. The thought of someone in such a dark state of mind watching me in an intimate moment like that is, to me, horrifying. That's not what the act is about, and I wanted John to leave so that they could finish undisturbed (in both senses of the word). So when they allowed him to stay, and watch, and continued to have sex, that was a powerful moment for me because it illustrated the level of fucked-up-ness of the situation.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-23 09:08 pm (UTC)Ooooh, that's very cool, and, yes. I had that sense, too, of something good twisted into something wrong enough to be kinda horrific, for them and for me. That the story is sailing along as it is, all sweet and hot and fraught and involving, and then, suddenly, bam, it all goes south, is a big part of the appeal of the story for me, and what makes me feel that, though it's not truly non-con, it sort of is, or maybe it just makes me feel that it is, while it isn't, which is also very cool.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-24 03:45 am (UTC)I really appreciated how hot the foreplay was, which also gave me the sense that Teyla and Rodney were really into each other, involved enough that the revelation of John's presence doesn't shock them into sanity. Sex can exert a kind of siren lure, create the image that two people needn't care about the outside world. I suspect that was part of Teyla's motivation for offering to Rodney (and as a side note, I love how she's written here - the rhythm of her dialogue and the description of her facial expressions is perfect). One of the cool things about Teyla is that we can assume different cultural standards - while it would be damn near impossible for me to believe that Sam Carter would approach Daniel Jackson this way (to stay within the SG universe), we know next to nothing about Athosian sexual practices. This depiction of Teyla, as alternately aggressor and submissive, really worked for me. She was no shy flower, and had no hang-ups over herself or her decision to bed Rodney. This line:
Kissing Teyla turns out to be a brilliant idea, like the time he ate prepackaged cookie dough straight out of the plastic wrapper instead of baking out half of the flavor. He wonders why he never thought of it before.
I loved the comparison, and the insight into McKay's thoughts at that moment, a little loopy and startled, but also incredibly pleased.
And this bit:
"Colonel," Sheppard says. It's not harsh, and yet there's an underlying whipcrack, and Rodney might snap back if he didn't see a flicker of something like broken glass grinding against itself in Sheppard's eyes. He's afraid anything he says will shatter it more.
Rodney has second thoughts about their decision to comply, but that moment of insight stops him. That worked really, really well for me. One thing that I noticed during my read last night concerned this line:
He shuts his mouth, and John nods, so slightly that Rodney probably wouldn't even see it if the team hadn't spent the past year intertwined like the vine and the trellis.
There were a couple of instances where I was reading very closely, and I noticed Rodney describing things in language I'm not certain he'd use. The trellis and vine image above - I'm not sure that fits with the way McKay has been portrayed on the show. Some sort of physics-related description might have reinforced his voice, but that's being very nitpicky.
The glimpses we got of the native culture were also very well done, for a story that was relatively short. I felt that I knew enough about them to imagine the consequences of refusal as something worse than the challenge itself.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-24 09:09 am (UTC)That was in the back of my mind, too. The story didn't lean on it as a reason, but it was available as a contributing factor.
while it would be damn near impossible for me to believe that Sam Carter would approach Daniel Jackson this way
Actually, I kind of like to imagine Sam Carter approaching Daniel Jackson this way. ;) And I agree with you about Teyla's unknowable sexual/cultural history forwarding the scenario, too. I could easily believe in a Teyla who's that sexually open. (Another place I enjoy going.)
The trellis and vine image above - I'm not sure that fits with the way McKay has been portrayed on the show. Some sort of physics-related description might have reinforced his voice, but that's being very nitpicky.
I like the trellis-and-vine line for itself, the rightness of the image, and for what it conveys about the closeness of the team. But you're right about it not seeming to be as much Rodney's voice as possibly Teyla's. Or, really, the author's, but if I were to attribute it to the most likely character, I'd say Teyla.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-24 05:47 am (UTC)I am approaching this story, I'll admit, with a willingness to make allowances for any story that offers me a dark, trippy ride.
Interesting. I was thinking about this today...I'm not good with allowances when I read fic. I suck at supending my disbelief. And these days I'm short on time on top of that, so 95% of the time, the first moment I'm thrown out of the story, I'm gone. So that's the angle I'm coming from. I liked the plot and story of this, but as an Atlantis fic, I thought the characters became a bit problematic in order to hold that plot.
He's gone to the place where smirky, wise-cracking, charming John is subsumed by the John who killed all those Genii, who shot down the unarmed Wraith in the cage, who'll do whatever it takes to save his people.
I love this John, and definitely believe he exists. But whether Rodney would notice him, and keep on noticing enough to keep bringing it up, I wasn't sure. Because it is a Rodney POV story, and Rodney's pretty self-involved. Pre-Trinity, anyhow. As well as about to die. So to have this characterisation of John draw as much attention as it did distracted me. And I also kinda wanted to be trusted, as the reader, to get where she was going.
And this is pretty much verbatim what I told Taf:
Rodney, mostly, not so much the others - did and thought
a lot of things to serve the plot that didn't strike me as being
really, really Rodney-ish. It's hard to put my finger on, because I hate when he's portrayed as a terrified blushing virgin, but hers went pretty far in the other direction, and he was telling me things that I needed to know, but not necessarily things that I think Rodney would think. Too self-aware, I think, more outwardly in tune with other people's feelings that Rodney generally gets to be. Shep has a couple of hitches too, I think, cause he's dark, but that other flyboy side he uses to hide the darkness never shows up. I don't know if she was just aiming for that as a characterisation, or if the idea was that the encounter with the aliens burned that out of him, but I think that either way we could have used the contrast, one to make him truer but two, to up the stakes, make us care that much more about the fall.
What I wonder most, I suppose, in regard to how others see this story, is whether the sort of emotional hinge-pin moment, the one where Rodney and Teyla decide to go forward with it, works for others, too.
Hmmmn. It's hard to say, because I was already distracted - I hadn't 100% bought the set-up. And as such, this wasn't necessarily the dealbreaker. I'd have to think to decide what was. But it occurs to me as I check my previous paragraph that this story may be about Sheppard to me more than it is to other people - he's the one who seems to end up somewhere different than where he started. So I think my dealbreaker may have been Shep's reaction - would he really punish them like that? He's got a dark side, yeah, and he's just had to fight a lot of aliens and that makes him cranky, but is it making him hurt the people he kills to protect? If he doesn't think he's hurting them, what does he think he's doing?
I did keep reading, so I must have been more there than not, but I'm still not sure.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-24 09:58 am (UTC)I'm actually pretty good at it if a story makes me want to. If there's something to the story that I want enough, I can overlook a number of things--humor, for example, does this for me. A funny story will seduce me into stretching my willingness to go along more than any other type. In this fandom, I'd already been talking somewhere about wanting something darker, a believable darkish scenario that centered on the relationship between John and Rodney and not just the circumstances. And then along came Taf with this story, which hit the spot for me. So all that leaves me wondering how much is the story working for me, and how much is me wanting the story to work. It's fairly difficult for me to step back from this one and evaluate the parts, because I want the whole.
I brought a John/Rodney slasher POV into this one, so I'm all set for Rodney to notice John, to focus a lot of attention on him even though his sexual focus is on Teyla. Even in non-slash I look for the attraction between the two of them, so I'm predisposed to go with Rodney picking up on anything to do with John. You come at it from a different POV and see Rodney's focus on John, in this situation, as too intense. That's interesting--I hadn't thought to examine that, before.
The Rodney characterization was probably the one that I felt was least strong, but I didn't have much difficulty with it in part because I tended to follow his focus to the other characters. And I allowed the extreme situation to convince me of a Rodney who was more confident in this situation (with Teyla) than the eps have led us to think he might be with women. Maybe he's socially clumsy with women, but once he's in bed with one, he's a machine. *g* Hey, he could be, in a "geeks try harder" sort of way. (/Revenge of the Nerds flashback) Desperation, grog and that what-the-hell feeling that might come from two days of terror all work toward this Rodney, for me. There was some author-voice happening in Rodney's characterization, yes, but not so much or so not-Rodney, for me, that it bothered me. I'm good with him being self-aware; I don't think he's blind to his own internal workings, I think he mostly doesn't take the time to go into it.
Shep has a couple of hitches too, I think, cause he's dark, but that other flyboy side he uses to hide the darkness never shows up.
I think I'd have been thrown out if he had, or at least if he had anywhere but the end. I think we saw some of that in what Rodney saw, the push/pull of John the savage/John the leader happening. If he'd been more himself, more compassionate, at the end, though, the final lines would have lost some impact. I like the coldness, there. He didn't seem, to me, to be as much punishing them (though I think there was a little of that) as trying to reconnect, just reacting, and wanting, but still keeping that distance. He's not going to jump on the bed with them and ask, "me, too?" or "we get to go home, now--party!" because of what he is and because I don't think he'd feel right or secure in doing that, but the wild thing in him is doing it in a different way, participating from this different place. And maybe his blood's really up, maybe the high is turning him on, and maybe that does things to him, too. We don't know exactly what's going on in John's head, but I find the way it plays out fascinating so I don't mind not knowing, I like speculating.
For me, this was a very cool look at John, but it was Rodney's story, and what happened to him and where he's at when the story closes is more different from where he started than where John went. I imagine John as having gone here before, I think of his past military career and Afghanistan and can see it. Rodney's definitely the focus, for me, by the end of the story.