I reread this story last night, so that I could discuss it with the details fresh. I remember I read it when first posted, and loved it. Stories that go dark places believably are somewhat rare, and this one did that in spades. One reason that it did work for me, at that key moment where Teyla and Rodney choose to go forward knowing John is watching, was because all three of them were shown to have ingested alcohol (that could have been laced with something more - we don't know).
I really appreciated how hot the foreplay was, which also gave me the sense that Teyla and Rodney were really into each other, involved enough that the revelation of John's presence doesn't shock them into sanity. Sex can exert a kind of siren lure, create the image that two people needn't care about the outside world. I suspect that was part of Teyla's motivation for offering to Rodney (and as a side note, I love how she's written here - the rhythm of her dialogue and the description of her facial expressions is perfect). One of the cool things about Teyla is that we can assume different cultural standards - while it would be damn near impossible for me to believe that Sam Carter would approach Daniel Jackson this way (to stay within the SG universe), we know next to nothing about Athosian sexual practices. This depiction of Teyla, as alternately aggressor and submissive, really worked for me. She was no shy flower, and had no hang-ups over herself or her decision to bed Rodney. This line:
Kissing Teyla turns out to be a brilliant idea, like the time he ate prepackaged cookie dough straight out of the plastic wrapper instead of baking out half of the flavor. He wonders why he never thought of it before.
I loved the comparison, and the insight into McKay's thoughts at that moment, a little loopy and startled, but also incredibly pleased.
And this bit:
"Colonel," Sheppard says. It's not harsh, and yet there's an underlying whipcrack, and Rodney might snap back if he didn't see a flicker of something like broken glass grinding against itself in Sheppard's eyes. He's afraid anything he says will shatter it more.
Rodney has second thoughts about their decision to comply, but that moment of insight stops him. That worked really, really well for me. One thing that I noticed during my read last night concerned this line:
He shuts his mouth, and John nods, so slightly that Rodney probably wouldn't even see it if the team hadn't spent the past year intertwined like the vine and the trellis.
There were a couple of instances where I was reading very closely, and I noticed Rodney describing things in language I'm not certain he'd use. The trellis and vine image above - I'm not sure that fits with the way McKay has been portrayed on the show. Some sort of physics-related description might have reinforced his voice, but that's being very nitpicky.
The glimpses we got of the native culture were also very well done, for a story that was relatively short. I felt that I knew enough about them to imagine the consequences of refusal as something worse than the challenge itself.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2005-08-24 03:45 am (UTC)I really appreciated how hot the foreplay was, which also gave me the sense that Teyla and Rodney were really into each other, involved enough that the revelation of John's presence doesn't shock them into sanity. Sex can exert a kind of siren lure, create the image that two people needn't care about the outside world. I suspect that was part of Teyla's motivation for offering to Rodney (and as a side note, I love how she's written here - the rhythm of her dialogue and the description of her facial expressions is perfect). One of the cool things about Teyla is that we can assume different cultural standards - while it would be damn near impossible for me to believe that Sam Carter would approach Daniel Jackson this way (to stay within the SG universe), we know next to nothing about Athosian sexual practices. This depiction of Teyla, as alternately aggressor and submissive, really worked for me. She was no shy flower, and had no hang-ups over herself or her decision to bed Rodney. This line:
Kissing Teyla turns out to be a brilliant idea, like the time he ate prepackaged cookie dough straight out of the plastic wrapper instead of baking out half of the flavor. He wonders why he never thought of it before.
I loved the comparison, and the insight into McKay's thoughts at that moment, a little loopy and startled, but also incredibly pleased.
And this bit:
"Colonel," Sheppard says. It's not harsh, and yet there's an underlying whipcrack, and Rodney might snap back if he didn't see a flicker of something like broken glass grinding against itself in Sheppard's eyes. He's afraid anything he says will shatter it more.
Rodney has second thoughts about their decision to comply, but that moment of insight stops him. That worked really, really well for me. One thing that I noticed during my read last night concerned this line:
He shuts his mouth, and John nods, so slightly that Rodney probably wouldn't even see it if the team hadn't spent the past year intertwined like the vine and the trellis.
There were a couple of instances where I was reading very closely, and I noticed Rodney describing things in language I'm not certain he'd use. The trellis and vine image above - I'm not sure that fits with the way McKay has been portrayed on the show. Some sort of physics-related description might have reinforced his voice, but that's being very nitpicky.
The glimpses we got of the native culture were also very well done, for a story that was relatively short. I felt that I knew enough about them to imagine the consequences of refusal as something worse than the challenge itself.